Celebrate

I think it’s time to celebrate. So much of life is about pain and uncertainty, but though we remind ourselves that pain makes us stronger and uncertainty gives us options, we forget that our lives are made of more this.

Let’s celebrate the unexpected positives in life. I think of these as the positives that do not give us immediate satisfaction, but rather the ones that provide extended fulfillment. Unexpected positives are events in life we thought were negatives or the ones we were indifferent toward. We usually acknowledge that which blocks our paths, but seldom that which diverts us to a better path.

Let’s celebrate the heartbreak, the failures, the struggles that we have all experienced that may bring us a joy that we have never before imagined. Expected happiness can be boring. It’s the unexpected that makes my heart flutter and my stomach jump.

Let’s celebrate the possibilities. Happy birthday Melissa and Michele!

Open Heart, But Closed Ears

I have a friend who I love dearly, and I call her when I want to talk and get all existential on my life, because she’s great to talk to. But there are times when it’s difficult to talk to her because she just WON’T LISTEN. It's hard for her to listen when her mind’s preoccupied with her issues. For example, she called me the other day to see how I was doing after I had an intense conversation with my ex-boyfriend. I began my story and then she interrupted me to ask if I would come outside and help her bring a table she found on the street to her apartment (we live in the same neighborhood). I said no since it was midnight and I wanted to go to sleep after this conversation, and I tried to continue. Then she cut me off to complain about one of her roommates, and then asked for advice on some guy she’s dealing with. I thought she had called to hear about my event. If she didn’t really want to talk about it, she shouldn’t have even asked and we could have dedicated the conversation to her dilemmas.

How can I tell my friend to shut up and listen to my problems without sounding like a winey child? I can’t be too mad at her, because there are many instances where she gave me immense support, but it’s really frustrating in those moments when she’s not supportive at all. I also can’t blame her because she has a flighty personality. She can be ADD in all facets of her life, not just when it comes to listening to me, so I shouldn’t take it personally. She did realize that she usurped the conversation after we finished because she text me afterward to apologize for her rant and say how proud she was of my talk with my ex. But I don’t want the apology; I’d rather her just listen.

Friends who don’t listen are annoying, but on the flip side, friends who only listen to you when you have problems are equally annoying. You know the ones: the people who don’t have time to listen to you when you’re listing all the great things going on in your life, but are all ears when your life is falling apart. That’s my best friend from home. She loves to hear when I’m down. Not because she wishes the worst for me, but because it makes her feel better about her situation. I know I feel the same way when I hear people complain about their misfortune, but I like to think that I still care about their successes. Whenever we talk on the phone and I tell her about how excited I am for life and all the great things going on at the time, she tells me she has to go and will call me right back, but never does. But if I start a conversation about my men/job/family/housing/money troubles, she has all the time in the world to listen to how bad everything is.

I guess it’s a good thing that someone is listening to my issues, but I don’t know who it benefits more. I suppose it doesn’t matter if I’m venting the negative energy out of my system. I'll just try to be grateful I have friends who will listen to me, and try not to get too frustrated when they can't focus when I want them to. Besides, I probably do the same thing to them.