After a week of wondering what I could do for Haiti, my family got a phone call that one of our family friends, Dr. Andani Prakash, was on life support and was not expected to wake up.
My parents met Dr. Prakash at Bangalore Medical College more than 40 years ago. He graduated with my father, but as the new doctors began their lives, they lost touch. Dr. Prakash immigrated to Canada and my parents to the New York, but fate brought them together again, when they all found themselves living in Milwaukee.
And since then, though my parents moved to Chicago and Dr. Prakash and his wife, Lalitha, moved to Nashville, they never lost touch again.
My older brother tells me about how Dr. Prakash borrowed a friend's van to take us to Huntsville to space camp. And though I have some memories of this event and other visits my family has had with him, the saddest part of this loss is the vacancy of memories.
I was too young to remember the bulk of the times that I had with Prakash Uncle, but hearing about his life and what he stood for, it seems like we may have been similar. He loved to travel, loved his culture and believed in supporting and improving his community. With each anecdote that friends and relatives told of his life, I became more resentful that I was robbed of the opportunity to form a meaningful bond with him. Although I know my feelings of resentment have no place at a time like this, I felt them building toward my parents and brother for not allowing me to form the same bonds with Prakash Uncle that they did.
Taking a step back, I know that my resentment is uncalled for. Not that my feelings are invalid, I do think that at some level I was not given the opportunity to form certain familial relationships and that this lacking has affected my life. All in all, however, it's nothing I can change. At some point, the past has to be left in the past and I have to be grateful for the little that I did have.
The anger and resentment from the past will continue to persist, but, however justified the feelings are, they can only control your present and future if you cling to them. That's what I'm learning everyday.
I suppose it'll help if I focus on the future. I believe in my heart that's what Prakash Uncle would want me to do.
