I am struggling to find balance between expectation and reality.
It is a short, somewhat plain statement, yet this sentence encompasses most of my current worries. Growing into adulthood assumes a shedding of idealism and coping with life’s imperfections, but my idealism is stubborn.
I naively believe in the depth of love. I reach for lofty goals. I still believe that I can be happy in ways that my most imaginative thoughts cannot conceive.
Don’t get me wrong. I do not live in a land of elves and sugar plum fairies, but I still believe in our abilities to transform the impossible into the possible.
Unfortunately, it seems like there are fewer people on my team every time I stop to look. Friends of mine have given up on forging new friendships because of fear. Former colleagues have decided to forget submitting job applications because they don’t want to face rejection. Others cling to relationships that they have expressed deep unhappiness with because they don’t want to risk being alone.
People make decisions for various reasons, I am not writing to judge these reasons, but it saddens me that many of my peers seem to have given up hope. Every time I turn around there are people telling me to lower my expectations, let go of dreams and focus on getting by.
Despite my utter contempt of the idea of lowering my expectations and settling, I have begun to believe these naysayers. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. I stopped believing in the reliability of friends. I stopped challenging myself. I stopped following my heart.
It’s easy to expect less from life. If you don’t expect much from yourself or the people around you, then you’re less likely to be disappointed. You don't get hurt. But could you live with yourself? I know I couldn’t.
I caught myself. I reminded myself of who I am. Reality may change the course of my life now and then, but I won’t let it crush my spirit in the process. People will inevitably let you down, dreams will be crushed and mistakes will be made. It’s not always about having your expectations met. Sometimes it's just about preserving hope.
Twenty-ten marks the year of my comeback. I can feel it already. Hope all of you will come on the journey with me.
