Am I really a quitter?

Last year, I went on my first professional roller coaster. I’m not speaking of the rides that populate amusement parks, but rather of my first experience in a negative work situation.

The situation was similar to many. Poorly structured organization, a rashly constructed job description, a demanding boss and lack of official support. That’s the censored version. As these factors and others mounted, I made a choice to leave. Yes. I quit. Against everything that I had been taught to be righteous and true, I gave up on a situation in order to preserve myself.

Though I have beaten myself up about quitting, I learned quickly that preserving yourself is essential. Seeing something through isn’t always worth it.

Drama aside, the job asked me to compromise parts of myself that I had never intended to. And though most compromise is necessary to learn and grow, I did not value the benefits of this compromise.

Not that I didn’t make mistakes. I was inexperienced and didn’t play the professional game well. But, then again, I was chosen for the position partly because of this inexperience. Most of the time, however, my mistakes were the result of my confidence being attacked or a lack of proper communication from the powers that be.

When I considered leaving, the words of one of my friends resonated, “Professional mistakes should have professional consequences. The minute they begin to affect your personal life, they have gone too far.”

A statement that is beyond comprehension for someone who feels that her work is an integral part of her being. I felt that my job was a reflection of my passions and abilities, and I was willing to dedicate my entire self to it-- whatever it was. My job was supposed to give me a sense of purpose and opportunities to learn and create.

Instead, my first professional roller coaster ride taught me more. I learned that a job is not worth my confidence. I learned that interpersonal relationships-- personal and professional-- should be nurtured and valued. And I learned that professional relationships can be just as toxic as personal ones.

Sometimes you have to leave.