New Works, Insight & Resolve

Its been months since I've had the energy to write. And even longer since I've had the energy/desire/wherewithal to paint, draw...create art in general.  I have been drained for a number of reasons...


Yesterday, I found the rare opportunity to make art and alas it was one of the few days  which I felt free...and here is some of the work that came out of that freedom.


A new series of illustrative collage work- "New Breed Consciousness," cut paper and pen & ink on brown paper.


The underlying thought...
Is every sista with an afro, conscious? if so, conscious of what?

"Hanging with Homies"

"On the Way to Work"

"Africa Day @ Mount Zion AME"

Big Tings A Gwan...

My life was turning a corner--ages 18 to 24, were one big blur for me-- all of a sudden BAM, it was staring me right in the face...the BIG 2-5! I wasn't scared, in fact, I was everything but. I decided that this year was going to be the year that I conquered my fears, soared to new heights, let go of the past so i could forge ahead! I resolved to cancel my membership to the "I pay a mortgage for rent and I'm a sucker"club and buy a house; stop tiptoeing around this dating thing, jump in with both feet and snag my man; give my dogs a well-deserved rest, burn my Smartrip Card (DC Transit Pass), get a license and a car. I said to myself "Self, big tings a gwan" (much respect to my Jamaican brethren! lol).

Oooooo and it couldnt have gotten off to a better start...

By early March...

• I had a realtor, mortgage broker, mortgage loan pre-approval letter for $200,000 and had just put a contract on "the house"
• A sweet, caring, ambitious man with two good jobs hot on my trail
• A continually fulfilling new job
• And the lead on a highly recommended driving instructor

Fast forward to today -- some two months later and... from the outside looking in, it would seem like things are falling apart at the seams!

• I've had contracts on three different houses to date
  
• I've broken up with my mortgage broker b/c his lack of attention to detail cost me a lot of time and almost cost me my house
• All of my exes have decided that this is the best possible time to express their love and care for me
• While, that great man has shown himself to be most inconsistent...sweet as pie and ever present one minute, and MIA the very next

Well, I still love my job and haven't contacted the driving instructor yet (Don't roll your eyes at me...one life changing thing at a time, please!)

Big tings still a gwan...just not how I envisioned them...c'est la vie!

Out of the Muck!: Clutter Survival Tips

"I WILL ZAP THE CLUTTER OF MY LIFE THIS YEAR AND FEEL RENEWED!" I declared boldly in my last post, In Living Clutter.

And I meant what I said. The "new move" in my life (at least, physically) was the purchase of a condominium in South Jersey, making me a first-time homeowner. Ecstatic hardly describes how I felt when I unlocked the front door of my new home and new space. I felt like a space within me was being cleared and my goals were revealed to me in a new way.

"Imagine what I can create in this space," I thought, not in reference to interior decorating but to the quietness I would have to write and a room for a creative workspace.

It's been almost three months since moving into my new place and I still feel that rush of excitement when I walk through the door. I thank God every day for blessing me with a space of my own. Looking around my relatively bare condo, I also think, "How will protect this space from clutter?" Discipline and new habits, of course--a simple answer but an even harder task to execute. Here's how I am getting it, my clutter-prone tendencies, under control:

Know your values
We all have values and standards but how often are they reflected in how we live and act. I have a friend who can rattle down his key values at a moment's notice. "God, family, and money," he says, counting them with his fingers. I realized a firm knowledge of his values help him to structure his decisions, priorities, and habits. It has done the same for me. Values remind me what's important and helps me discern what is worth keeping or letting go.

Start Small and Act Immediately
Clutter is a physical result of our procrastination. The goal is to identify your clutter weak areas and act immediately to control it (before it overtakes you). Start by asking, "What piles up the most?" For me, its paperwork. For you, it could be clothes or shoes. Start there and control the influx. Before getting a filing system in place, I had an organized chaos approach to keeping paperwork (and most other things). Thank God for a photographic memory or else I would never be able to find my most important documents. To address this weak area, I immediately bought filing bins, folders, and tags to catalog my creative writing materials, personal finances, and work papers. I started with the work papers first and each week or two moved to the next set of papers.

Stay committed
Habit begins with creating a routine. To control my inflow of papers, I check the mail in the evenings when I get home. I throw out junk immediately and file the important stuff for later. To control influx of clothes, my mother taught me to donate or give away clothes for each new item I purchased in a quarter. You need tactics that will help you keep your word on clutter elimination.

Hope it helps,

Malaika

Keeping it Warm and Sunny!

Don't you just love when it starts to get warm out? You finally get to put away the winter jacket, sweaters, gloves, scarfs, knee high boots, etc ( yeah all of that on order to make it through the commute) and just feel good. No more doubling up on the tights in order to keep your calves from freezing. It's all perfectly pedicured toes and silky smooth legs courtesy of my Venus Embrace razor from now until the end of October.

But really, doesn't it feel like everyone is just in a better mood? Something about the sun not setting at 5 PM just makes NY a million times better. Its perfect until you hit an over air-conditioned office office or train. Seriously people, if it's 75 degrees outside the thermostat does not need to be on the Arctic setting ( no one's sweating buckets). I shouldn't have to carry a backup sweater and scarf if I 'm wearing a skirt. Can I just enjoy the few weeks of perfect weather that we get over here in peace? I know I can't be the only one.

Line in the sand

THE LINE...Breaking off my affair with work
That's it! Don't email me, call or text me on my day off! I declare this phase of our relationship COMPLETE!!!...You with your seductive colorful ensemble,  beautiful light, and adornments...I REBUKE you! On Sunday and Monday you won't see me...whining via email or ringing my phone won't change things...You that keep me hostage 10-15hrs a day while day light fades into night time and my youthful energy is reduced to boundless bitchiness and mumbled obscenities. You don't hold me when I'm sad or laugh with me when im happy or at me when im silly....I can't waste my best yrs spending everyday with you while gravity is still a good  friend to boobs and my big eyes still smile with no wrinkles around them.... From 7pm Saturday to 10am Tuesday Morning....LOSE MY NUMBER homie!

THE SAND...Reclaiming my weekends and select evenings
I think this will have to do something with free dinners and drinks from clowns and more evenings out with the homies- trips to see my besties ....working it out...updates coming soon!

Airball...

In an attempt to re-acclimate myself to American culture after having been abroad, I decided to make an effort to watch college basketball this season.

I grew up playing basketball-- yes, Jess, that's how I got my broad shoulders (wink, wink). But I loved it. It was an outlet for me, a way to take out aggression, a mechanism to learn how to overcome obstacles and an activity that taught me leadership and teamwork.

As a Chicagoan born in the mid-80s, I also grew up watching one of the most legendary basketball teams. There was no way to avoid watching Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen tear through multiple opponents to win six NBA titles. Watching these championships created some of my favorite childhood memories.

But having lived abroad for two and half years, my love for basketball faded. Though there was a good amount of basketball played in South Africa, it is not what it is here in the United States, and people do not follow the NBA or NCAA avidly. I watched more rugby matches than basketball games, a notion that sickens me a little bit now that I stop to think about it.

So here I am, a Georgetown alumna diving into March Madness once again. There is a well-balanced amount of tension and anticipation in the air. With a Syracuse alum for a brother, the excitement inside me builds and I can feel the competitive side of me awaken. Georgetown shows skill and potential in the Big East Tournament, and I begin to believe again.

And then we lose to Ohio University in the first round of the NCAA Tournament.

Feel the air being let out of your sails? The pop of a balloon?

No, that’s just the sinking of my heart. Or the force of a big fat Georgetown airball.

Working on My Fitness

About two weeks ago while procrastinating at my Assistantship I came across an article on Clutch Online Magazine that listed some excuses we come up with in regards to working out. While reading the list I noticed that I had used some of the excuses myself. In HS I thought of running track but after the first practice run I realized that my hair was more important. Next I thought of basketball but then realized that all the female players had to lift weights at practice and this resulted in some rather broad shoulders. This just isn't for me I thought.

Fast forward to Fall 2008, during my unemployment bid I noticed that my midsection was getting a bit soft. An observation that was later confirmed when my godsis came over and told me I looked fat. That very week we (her and I) signed up for our first Bikram Yoga class and I have been hooked ever since! For those of you who don't know, the class is 90 minutes long, consists of 26 postures, and the room is heated to about 105-110 degrees (note the hottest class I ever had was at 127 and it was brutal). What I probably like most about it is the fact that there is no talking, you literally get on your mat and zone the F out, not to mention the fact that its also a total body workout. Seeing as I didn’t have classes or work this week I made it a point to go as many times as I could, not only because I polished off a German Chocolate cake this past weekend but I also make it a point to make it as cost effective as possible (its the Haitian in me, I can't help this).

For anyone thinking of getting back into shape or spicing up their current workout routine you should definitely give Bikram a shot. Sure your hair might need a lot of TLC afterwards but think of the results

A Comedy of Errors & its entire Cast...

Starring me, myself, and I...I have long been convinced that my life is a set up. You know like the Truman Show, where one day I would start to notice the cameras and sets or by one unfortunate accident all the cameras and mics would fall before me and my suspicions about the people around me confirmed...it hasn't happened yet but I'm sure its coming.

And Action...
Friday Morning, I drag my ass out of bed even earlier than my usual 4 o'clock am ritual. Get dressed, bathed after my meditations and head out the house at 7:45 to get to a 9 am training - a ride that is usually 35- 40 minutes tops on the 5 train. Not this Friday...no this train driver was driving Ms. Daisy and slower than Morgan Freeman could ever do it. Thus, the trip was 60 minutes and walking to my training I was in a good mood like "whatever, its Friday" bent the corner, climbed the stairs with a ready-for-the-day smile plastered across my face and a Good Morning on my lips only to be met with a "what a happened?" And I said "pardon?" "this is your second lateness its 9:11am- you're lucky I didn't give you a written warning" and all i could think is there are 5 of 50 people here- you're lucky my behind showed up and don't say another word because the visit will be short lived!

Fast fwd...
Back to Brooklyn and back to work, As I laid my jacket down and bounced toward my office door, I was filled with the countenance and warmth of the newly emergent sun after a depressingly long winter...and there he was looking like Black Hercules and I wanted to laugh because innately I always want to laugh when I meet people that appear overly self assured- its not a bad thing but just a funny thing. He is always so confident with his unibrow that it amazes me. I know very few people that can carry a unibrow off without a hitch but he had it whatever that extra thing is , he definitely emanated it on Friday. And there we were in full banter about the politics of blackness in America, new work, and random facts. I am writing this fully aware that you might think i like this guy but what i'm getting to is he thought so too. perhaps prematurely as i don't even know if that is true- so there I am in full banter when everything comes to an interesting halt as my socially awkward, curious for the sake of curiosity led inner ten year old emerges, he gives me this look that let's me know he thinks i am coming on to him and  I am thinking is he staring at my scars that is so rude(recently afflicted with a stress induced condition that left little scars on my lips and my ego semi-bruised). It took me a lil while to become present to the fact that the things that i'd asked could be misconstrued and by that time he was dropping me off at the train and an overwhelming feeling of weirdness washed over me.  I realize that sometimes i live in that space and it followed me-right into a dollar cab with four other people and manifested itself into a French West Indian woman 3 or 4 times my size that decided that even after the seat next to her became vacant, she was comfortable with half of her ass being on my lap and her huge frame forcing my body into the car door...it was in that moment that the errors of the day became ever present and i wanted to push her fat ass to the floor of that cab...


The Credits...
 But settled for telling you this story and declaring that amidst a plethora more of Fat black french women (errors) I will keep on trucking because these comedic errors, awkward conversations, and unforeseen confrontations only add to the richness of my experience! Or atleast that's what i've sold myself on LOL!

Celebrate

I think it’s time to celebrate. So much of life is about pain and uncertainty, but though we remind ourselves that pain makes us stronger and uncertainty gives us options, we forget that our lives are made of more this.

Let’s celebrate the unexpected positives in life. I think of these as the positives that do not give us immediate satisfaction, but rather the ones that provide extended fulfillment. Unexpected positives are events in life we thought were negatives or the ones we were indifferent toward. We usually acknowledge that which blocks our paths, but seldom that which diverts us to a better path.

Let’s celebrate the heartbreak, the failures, the struggles that we have all experienced that may bring us a joy that we have never before imagined. Expected happiness can be boring. It’s the unexpected that makes my heart flutter and my stomach jump.

Let’s celebrate the possibilities. Happy birthday Melissa and Michele!

Open Heart, But Closed Ears

I have a friend who I love dearly, and I call her when I want to talk and get all existential on my life, because she’s great to talk to. But there are times when it’s difficult to talk to her because she just WON’T LISTEN. It's hard for her to listen when her mind’s preoccupied with her issues. For example, she called me the other day to see how I was doing after I had an intense conversation with my ex-boyfriend. I began my story and then she interrupted me to ask if I would come outside and help her bring a table she found on the street to her apartment (we live in the same neighborhood). I said no since it was midnight and I wanted to go to sleep after this conversation, and I tried to continue. Then she cut me off to complain about one of her roommates, and then asked for advice on some guy she’s dealing with. I thought she had called to hear about my event. If she didn’t really want to talk about it, she shouldn’t have even asked and we could have dedicated the conversation to her dilemmas.

How can I tell my friend to shut up and listen to my problems without sounding like a winey child? I can’t be too mad at her, because there are many instances where she gave me immense support, but it’s really frustrating in those moments when she’s not supportive at all. I also can’t blame her because she has a flighty personality. She can be ADD in all facets of her life, not just when it comes to listening to me, so I shouldn’t take it personally. She did realize that she usurped the conversation after we finished because she text me afterward to apologize for her rant and say how proud she was of my talk with my ex. But I don’t want the apology; I’d rather her just listen.

Friends who don’t listen are annoying, but on the flip side, friends who only listen to you when you have problems are equally annoying. You know the ones: the people who don’t have time to listen to you when you’re listing all the great things going on in your life, but are all ears when your life is falling apart. That’s my best friend from home. She loves to hear when I’m down. Not because she wishes the worst for me, but because it makes her feel better about her situation. I know I feel the same way when I hear people complain about their misfortune, but I like to think that I still care about their successes. Whenever we talk on the phone and I tell her about how excited I am for life and all the great things going on at the time, she tells me she has to go and will call me right back, but never does. But if I start a conversation about my men/job/family/housing/money troubles, she has all the time in the world to listen to how bad everything is.

I guess it’s a good thing that someone is listening to my issues, but I don’t know who it benefits more. I suppose it doesn’t matter if I’m venting the negative energy out of my system. I'll just try to be grateful I have friends who will listen to me, and try not to get too frustrated when they can't focus when I want them to. Besides, I probably do the same thing to them.